> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://violet-wood.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # The Four Loves - URL: https://violet-wood.ghost.io/the-four-loves/ - Published: 2026-08-15T22:29:57.000Z - Updated: 2026-08-16T16:02:25.000Z - Author: Violet Wood - Tags: Christianity CS Lewis is best known as the author of the Narnia series of books, but he also wrote many works of Christian apologetics which are classics in their own right. The Four Loves, published in 1960, is one of these. He analyses three natural loves and one divine love – Affection, Friendship, Eros, and Charity. His overall theme is that the first three are good in themselves but are liable to go wrong unless sanctified by the fourth. **Affection** Affection is a feeling of satisfaction in the company of others. Unlike Friendship, it does not need any basis in common interests. Also it comes on gradually rather than suddenly. Unlike Friendship and Eros, its beginning can rarely be dated with precision. Affection is the most widespread form of love because it can be felt for so many people. It creates a real and strong social bond. On the negative side, Affection is something we all feel we need, but may not display enough towards others. It can take people for granted and fail to notice when they are not there. **Friendship** Friendship begins when two or more people, who may already know each other, discover a shared interest which sets them apart from the rest. It was highly valued among the Ancients but is less valued today. Possibly because many people simply do not experience it. Friendship is the least natural and necessary of all the loves. It does not ensure the survival of the species but adds value to it. Although Friendship draws people towards each other and away from the common herd, it is not jealous and it welcomes additions. That is because it is based on something external (the shared interest) rather than anything in the nature of the friends themselves. Friendship looks outwards not inwards. CS Lewis says that Friendship tends to exist between members of the same sex – that mutual attraction between people of the opposite sex tends to develop quickly into erotic love. Does this have to be true: can men and women really not be friends? I know how quickly emotional attachments can develop. But I do have a number of female friendships which are not endangered by romantic entanglement. Maybe that is because I am a trans person and regard myself as essentially female. I am much more at home in the company of women than the company of men. Of course, Lewis was a creature of his time. Some of what he wrote seems dated now. He spends quite some time on whether a close attachment between two men indicates a homosexual relationship. He is right to point out that it does not. But today, even if it did, it would not matter. The negative side of Friendship is that it is inevitably exclusive. It risks turning inwards and ignoring the world. In this way, common interests which are immoral or simply wrong are not exposed to the light of day. Also people united by a common interest can come to despise those who do not share it. But when it is sanctified by divine life, we see Friendship in a higher sense, when we fully appreciate our friends, and see how they all bring out the best in each other. In this company, each may secretly feel themselves privileged to be in the company of the rest. Maybe this is the work of God, that we did not choose our friends, but that God has chosen us for each other. **Eros** Eros is romantic love. It may or may not have a sexual component. It is a total preoccupation with the beloved. Lewis makes a striking observation: 'Eros enters him like an invader, taking over and reorganising, one by one, the institutions of a conquered country.’ In another striking phrase, Lewis points out that Eros has nothing to do with happiness. We would rather be unhappy with the beloved, than happy without. The danger with Eros is that it can become an obstacle to spiritual development. Particularly if ‘being in love’ is exalted to the most important place in life and attains god-like status. It can justify behaviour which is objectively wrong on all other grounds. For example, destroying a functioning marriage by leaving one’s life partner for a must-have younger model. Eros does not last forever. If you can fall in love, you can also fall out of love, and both can happen suddenly. At some point, if a relationship is to last, Eros must give way to the hard work of humdrum fidelity to the commitment that people have made to each other – which depends on the divine love you find in Charity. **Charity** This is the word Lewis uses for the divine love that comes from God himself. At one point he refers to it as ‘goodness.’ As he says a number of times, Charity is essential if the other loves are to blossom. And in the end, you have to put the love of God above all other loves. In this way, somehow, the natural loves become transformed into divine love. Lewis disagrees with St Augustine – and the Stoics – that our natural loves should be proportionate. He says: ‘To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.’ But this is better than the loveless state in which everything is secure and nothing is broken. The love that God gives is the love that is displayed in Christ – the totally giving, self-sacrificial love that loves its enemies and dies for them. This is not how the world works. And it is beyond our unaided human reach. All we can do is co-operate in the divine work that is going on inside us. Pray, hope, love.